Hey Gang,

I was at the Mall yesterday looking for a new wallet and I stopped
in Waldenbooks.  As usual, I headed straight for the Sci-Fi section
and saw if there was anything new.  I found a book that was so cool
I thought I would post an excerpt here....

--------------BUCKETS OF BLOOD BEASTS------------

(being an excerpt from _Everything I Need to Know I Learned in the
Stinking Radioactive Wastelands_, the war chronicles of Major Soft)


Chapter 1:  Apackofjuves Now

I love the smell of ions in the morning.  Smells like....well,
ions, actually.  Nothing smells like ions, except that funny
burning smell I used to get when I pulled the rip cord on my STP
racer too fast and the plastic teeth went past the flywheel too
fast.  I shook my head and kicked off the sheets, still groggy from
the materialization.

I stumbled out of bed and popped the shades.  Usually I would wait
until the room stopped doing the Funky Chicken and my insides
stopped feeling like Keith Richards right before a total blood
transfusion, but today I had business.  Big business.

I ran my claws through my hair, brushed my fangs, picked out the
least appalling of my outfits and climbed into it, and decided it
was time to head out.  No sense wasting time.  

I headed downstairs and conned a couple of gold chunks.  No time
for a balanced breakfast, I thought as I stepped outside and
checked the area lock twice, just to be sure.  I went over to the
shop and grabbed a handful of lightning rods, belched and scratched
my testicle once for luck, then moved out.  I heard a few Wizard
Mummies screeching in the distance, but I couldn't play with them
today.  Today I had work to do.

My name is Macbeth.  I'm a Mutant.


Chapter 2: Deathrace 3300

As I headed out from the store, I looked around.  Stupid.  It was
dark.   Only a brash or foolhardy Mutie puts his haven anywhere but
in an area of darkness.  I headed south.  I heard footsteps.  I saw
a flash.  I smelled a draft.  They weren't distracting me today,
though.  

Finally, I caught the pale, sickly glow of the sun through the
radioactive smog.  One great thing about the War, it made the
sunsets and sunrises killer.  Broken lampposts lined the street I
made my way down, stepping over relics of the war.  I saw a trophy
lying in front of me, so I grabbed it and conned it.  

I'm a Mutant.  It's what I do.

Feeling the fresh rush of ions, I strode down the street.  I came
across an area where the street was cracked, and trod carefully. 
Some folks said those things couldn't break your momma's back, but
I don't like to take chances.  I turned the corner at W27th and
walked a couple blocks to the nearest maintenance shop.  I passed
a few M-notes over, and the proprietor charged up my lightning rods
for me, giving me back a few thousand riblets in change.  

Now I was ready.  I walked around a little and found some rags and
bones and conned them.  I was gonna need all the ions I could get
today.  I planted all three feet and got ready to travel.  Today
I had a date....in 3300 AD.  I zapped myself there in a burst of
ions.

I'm a Mutant.  It's what I do.


Chapter 3: Weird and Prescient Strangers

I popped into 3300, and immediately ran south a ways.  No point in
hanging around a drop point.  I'd tell you where I came from, but
hey, a Mutie's gotta be careful, right?  

Here in 3300, the dust kicked up by the constant windstorm stung
all of my eyes that didn't have nictitating membranes and worked
its way into every orifice of my body.  I kind of liked that, but
not enough to stop.  I had big game to hunt today.  The GoMOp.

I'd heard she was moving Dragon Skins from a store nearby.  Bad
stuff, those D-Skins.  Gave a young Mutie a false sense of
security, like they were invincible.  They ran around in 3400 AD
and got their butts stomped by a Storm Giant or a Spiked Python. 
GoM, or "The Goddess" as her followers called her, had quite a
little thing going here.  "It's us against the monsters" she would
telepathically broadcast "Let's go win one for the Tipper".  

Little did her pathetic followers know that all they were doing was
making her more powerful.  Sure, she gave out ligs and d-skins like
they were candy, and her little army loved her.  Meanwhile she was
growing fat from the lack of competition.  Well, today she was
gonna have a taste of Dr. Macbeth's Appetite Suppressants.  The
suppository kind.

I knew she was making a connection in just a little while.  Never
you mind how.  I'm a Mutant.  It's what I do.  She was passing over
a +1 Dragon Skin to Wildfire right outside her store.  I couldn't
get into her store, she had it locked down tighter than...well,
tighter than anything SHE had.  So I had to bide my time and hope
my information was correct.  

Suddenly my train of thought was broken by an approaching shadow. 
I heard characteristic wheezing that meant only one thing...a
Sniffoid was approaching, and fast.


Chapter 4:  Death Of a Sniffoid

I panicked, at first.  I had let my thoughts wander, and left
myself open.  I cursed, and started to memorize Invisibility. 
Stupid.  I already HAD it memorized.  I fired it off as the
Sniffoid approached, now looking around confused at the lack of my
presence.  I dialed my combat computer to "Snif" and slowly,
quietly snuck south.  He didn't see me.

As soon as I got a block away, I lifted my lig and fired off a
couple of bolts.  Boom, boom.  Flash, flash.  No more Sniffoid. 
I slurped up the ions and grabbed his riblets.  A whole bunch of
crap fell from his disintegrating body - gold daggers, trophies,
some rags.  I conned them all - if the GoMOp saw them there would
be evidence of a battle.

I got some telepathic messages from my combat computer.  Wildfire
was killing monsters, and lots of 'em.  That meant she was in the
area.  I blew my noses, popped my knuckles, and stealthily
approached the contact point. 

I had to get there before Wildfire, or GoM would have already
retreated back in her shell.  I had to move fast, but had the
advantage of knowing that GoM would think the approaching footsteps
were those of her client's.  Heh.


Chapter 5:  Alone in the Dark

As I strode through the Darkness around GoM's hideout, memories
flooded back to me.  My first incarnation as a 1st level Barbarian,
and my first death at the hands of a Zurken, bludgeoning at it with
a Gold Chunk as it cut me up.  My success as a Thief, stealing Ligs
from other Mutants and using their own weapons to blow them up. 
Having a blast (literally) in the old days with my current
incarnation, a Mage, running around with Monster Bait and waiting
until I had about a hundred monsters around before I wiped them all
out with a Nuclear Blast.

Of course, those were the days when it was fun to be a Mutant,
calling in other Mutants to see the messages as the blast claimed
life after life, chatting with my enemies, waiting for them to
leave their area-locked stores, sweating with a lig in each hand. 
I never was so angered or so exhilarated as when I was killed or
killed others.  Tensions ran high and blood oaths made, but at
least there was some excitement in our lives.

I have always thought these lands should remain lawless.  A return
to order, wiping out the monsters?  Why?  More just appeared from
the Pits every morning.  Organize?  Work Together?  Why?  So we
could rebuild civilization and then burn it down again with nuclear
fire?  Spare me.

However, some Mutants didn't feel the same way.  GoM had convinced
many of them to work together, and that was fine as long as none
of them looked at me down the wrong end of a lightning rod.  They
went their way, and I mine.  But now GoM was claiming that *I* was
the bad guy, the heavy.  My killing constituted harassment of her,
and it had to stop.  WHAT?  Excuse me, sister, but that ain't the
name of the game.  If the Gods had intended us to live in peace,
they would have made us out of rubber so we couldn't fry each other
with electricity.  

That was why I had to do the deed - take out GoM right at home,
right in front of her followers on her own doorstep.  It was crazy,
but it just might work.  Beside, what was she gonna do?  Suspend
my account or something? Get real.


Chapter 6: Dirty Macky

This was it.  High Noon.  The Rumble.  The Thrilla in GomVilla. 
Sphincter Factor 8.  Lig City.  I popped out of the Darkness.  GoM
was there.   A lighting bolt lit up the scene.  I could see the
whites of her eye, her pupil dilating.  Behind her the lighting
flash lit up the front of her well-guarded store as the thunder
crashed around us.  Too bad she wasn't in there, huh?

GoM was a thief, and she was on at high speed.  Somehow, she had
sensed my coming, and was ready.  Her hands were blurs as she made
her move, stealing lig after lig from me.  Suddenly, she stopped
as the modem lag caught up with her.  I saw two gold daggers and
a vex staff fall from her pockets, and then I knew.  Her inventory
was full.  She stared at me, wondering what move I was gonna make.

I stuck a claw in my right pocket, and bunched it up.  "I know what
you're thinkin', GoM.  Did he bring FIVE lig rods, or did he bring
SIX.  Well, GoM, I'll tell ya.  What with all the noise and
confusion around here I kinda lost track myself.  So you gotta
remember, GoM.  Remember that the lig rod is the most powerful
weapon in existence.  Why, it could sear your head clean off."

"So GoM, ya gotta ask yourself one question.  'Do I feel lucky?'. 
 Well, how about it GoM? Do ya, Gom?  Do ya feel lucky?"

Apparently she did.  She went for one of her stolen ligs.  But I
was faster, and she wasn't lucky today.  I pulled out my last lig
and stepped backwards to the South as I fired off four quick shots. 
Two was all I needed.  A tremendous rush of ions flew into me as
I heard her death screech, and riblets littered the wasteland
around us.  I grabbed her precious Dragon skin and reclaimed my
gear and headed back to...never you mind.  It had been a good day.


Chapter 7:  Darth GoMer

I strolled back to my store, and prepared to call it a day, pleased
with my days work.  Suddenly, a thunderous voice boomed from the
heavens..."YOU IMPETOUS FOOL!  YOU HAVE HARASSED ME FOR THE LAST
TIME!  NOW FEEL MY WRATH, PITIFUL MUTANT!"

Suddenly my mind was disconnect, and everything faded to black. 
I had lost carrier.  What?  How?  I logged back in, but was ejected
before I could even leave a prayer to the SysGods.  I tried again
and was booted before I could even check my chatter channel.

I was NOT pleased.  I rearranged my neural scan and called in under
an assumed name, "Turkey".  I left the SysGods an irate note, and
copied it to the few dwellers I trusted.  I would have to wait and
see how things shook out.  This had to be a mistake.  A *big*
mistake.  


...Well, that's all folks.  To read more, you'll have to buy the
book.  Will the SysGods vindicate Macbeth?  Will GoM reign supreme
in Muties?  Who will be the next SysGod - Motion, Jar-Boy, Mr.
Politics, or some dark horse?  And who the hell woke up Wired
Child?  This and more......at a bookstore near you.

]:-)