The Flamer
Sung to the Tune of _The Boxer_ by Simon and Garfunkel
  (Rex Dart, spatula@titan.ucs.umass.edu)

I am just a lurker, though my story's seldom told;
I have squanderd my commitments for a terminal and access,
Such are Usenetters,
All flames and jest,
Still a man reads what he wants to read
And kill fillfiles all the rest.
Mmmmmm mmmmm mmmmmmm

When I started reading newsgroups I was no more than a boy
In the company of newbies,
In the quiet of the online helpfiles, running scared. 
Confused as hell,
Seeking out the stupid keystrokes all you gurus knew so well,
Looking for alt.tv.saved-by-the-bell.

Chorus:
Li li li (FLAME!);
Li li li li li li li, Li li li (FLAME!);
Li li li li li li li, li li li li liiiiiii.

Asking frequently asked questions, I come looking for a file
But I get no answers,
Just a come-on from the gang on alt.hi.are.you.cute
I do declare,
THere wer times when I was so board that I read the posts up there,
Luh luh luh luh luh luh lu luh
Mmm mmmmm mmm mmmm mmmmmm mmmmm

(Instrumental)
(Chorus)

Now I'm sendiing this across the world and costing the Net hundreds
(if not thousands)
Of dollars, do I really want to be doing this?
Doing this......What the hell.

In the carrel types a flamer and an idiot by his trade,
And he carries the reminders of every piece of hate (e-)mail
That he got, and flamed him
Till he cries out, in his anger and his shame,
"I am leaving, ego's bleeding", but we flame him just the same.
Luh luh luh luh luh lu luh
Mmm mmmmm mm mmm mmmmm, mmmmmmmmmm.

(Chorus)
(Chorus)
(Repeat chorus until you feel the song should be over.)
(Repeat it again just to make sure.)