Date: Friday, December 23, 1994 10:27pm Forum: Classic From: McDoc Msg#: 231828 To: ** ALL ** *EXEMPT* Re: Day 2 (Copy by Autox) OK, ladies, gentlemen, and others, it has become apparent that forum posting is going to be at a premium over the coming "vacation" period, so I, the founding member of the /InsignificantMicrobePack (tm), present to you a fictitious construct, which will hopefully be entertaining. This serial is intended for AMUSEMENT ONLY and is not meant to give social commentary {well, maybe a little}, cause a stir, or insult anyone. If you feel that you have been slighted by anything contained within, E-Mail me and I will grudgingly apologize in public. Oh, and no "War of the Worlds" action, please...this is ONLY FICTION. ---McD I awoke with a start to find myself clutching my pillow by two of its corners. By the shape of it, I had been wringing it like a wet towel. What an unusual dream: an ethereal voice had been calling my name, trying to summon me to...to where? My brow furrowed as I dug into the recesses of my memory, attempting to recall what the speaker had wanted. "McDoc....McDoc...." Wait! There it was again! Only, I wasn't asleep. Curious. The sound seemed to be coming from outside my bivouac, and my bladder informed me that this time I was NOT dreaming. Well, there would be time to take care of THAT later...I must answer this incredibly compelling summons first. I pulled back the flap on my fruit-striped tent and stepped out into the night, looking at my surroundings in wonder. It seemed that almost everything was...well, it was just GONE. This afternoon there had been ample vegetation, flocks of birds in the trees, and the chittering of miscellaneous creatures in hiding; now, there was only dust and silence, save for a few nearly-leafless trees and some clumps of sickly weeds and vines. What had happened? "McDoc...." The voice again. It seemed to be coming from the sky itself, and, as I looked upward, the stars of the constellation Milwaukis Beasteiades began to move. I rubbed my traitorous eyes and looked again, and, behold, the stars had arranged themselves into the shape of a Face. "McDoc...." spoke the voice from the Cosmos. "Yes?" I replied. Why NOT speak to the sky? Reality had obviously taken a powder sometime during my slumber. "McDoc, look upon the desolation around you. Do you know what has happened?" "Uh...." "The caretakers of this Land, this Cutting Edge of humanity, have disappeared. These caretakers, whom I dubbed The Pack over an eon ago, disagreed with some things that were happening here in the Heavens, so they have ceased their activities and have moved on in an effort to demonstrate their essentiality to the health of the Land." Cool! A band of people nicknamed by the Powers Above Themselves! "So this wasteland is what the environment became when they ceased their activities?" "Precisely." "That's all well and good, but what does it have to do with an insignificant mortal like me?" If it were possible for a cluster of stars to wear an uncomfortable expression, I got the feeling that the Face would have formed one at that moment. "Without these Druids to minister to the Land, We Above are concerned about its future. It was decided to rely upon lesser mortals such as yourself to 'pick up the slack,' as it were." "'Pick up the slack'!?!" I gulped. "You've got to be kidding! I don't know the slightest thing about 'caretaking'. Not the kind that this mysterious Pack apparently did, anyway." (I should note at this point that I would not normally argue with a constellation. But then again, normalcy had taken a vacation!) {Continued....} (R)eply, (E)mail reply, (T)hread, (P)revious or (N)ext message? Date: Friday, December 23, 1994 10:45pm Forum: Classic From: McDoc Msg#: 231830 To: ** ALL ** *EXEMPT* Re: Day 2, Part II (Copy by Autox) "It's very simple," the Face explained patiently. "All you have to do is travel the Land, spreading stories and making conversation. The Land will feed off of this activity. Granted, it won't respond all that strongly to a weak being such as yourself, but it's better than nothing and we might get a surprisingly good result if enough of you participate. So you must spread the word in your travels, and convince others to do as you shall do." "What made you pick ME to talk to directly and to be your messenger?" "We liked your tent." I had to shrug at that: it made as much sense as everything else I had seen and heard thus far. "Will the Pack ever return?" I asked. "Possibly, when their point has been proven to their satisfaction. You can see their tracks in the sand: why not find them and ask them?" Sarcasm from a constellation? Sheesh. "I think I WILL." "Beware the Pack, McDoc. Not everyone agrees that they are beneficial." "Yeah!" exclaimed a female face that had suddenly formed on the surface of the moon. "Silence!" commanded the original Face. Then He resumed speaking to me. "These creatures were once human, but now they are animal mutants, some of them only vaguely hominid. There are some who believe that The Pack are capable of great evil, especially if they act as a group. You will take your fate into your own hands if you attempt to communicate with them. Some of them have powers to even rival Our own." He paused for dramatic effect. "Occasionally some of Us take on mortal form and travel among you for amusement, and in those instances even WE don't cross them often. It creates some rather...inconvenient...situations." "Heh...I'll track these guys down and see what they have to say: I wasn't cut out to be a gardener!" "Don't do it! Don't do it!" shrieked the Moon. "They're pure, unadulterated EVIL! The Land doesn't need them! If you try to find them, I'll remove you from the Land and..." "Why don't you go back to looping 'round the Earth where you belong?" suggested the Face. Even from my great distance, I could see some of the Moon's craters deepening as she geared up for the reply. However, before this could happen, another figure formed in the stars behind the Face. This Figure was only hazily defined, and, had I not seen the stars moving to that location, I probably wouldn't even have noticed it was there at all. "Now, Children, let's not let the mortals see us like this," the Figure said, making an ambiguous gesture apparently aimed at calming the situation. "We must set a good example: after all, they count on us for much." Then the Benevolent Figure seemingly nodded in my direction and said, "I created this Land. I appeal to you, and to your fellow mortals, not to let it go to waste. It is here for YOU, after all." Then, with another nod from the Figure, all three of the apparitions slowly faded and the sky returned to normal. "What an interesting trip THIS is going to be," I mumbled to myself as I searched for some vegetation upon which to relieve my triply-expanded bladder.... Tomorrow: Day 3 (R)eply, (E)mail reply, (T)hread, (P)revious or (N)ext message? Date: Saturday, December 24, 1994 3:41pm Forum: Classic From: McDoc Msg#: 231832 To: ** ALL ** *EXEMPT* Re: Day 3 (Copy by Autox) By the time I finished breaking camp and rolling my meager supplies up in my tent, the sun had crept over the horizon. So, now that there was daylight, I knelt beside the tracks that The Pack had left, hoping to get a better idea of what to expect. The picture was not good. The most readily-noticeable prints in the group must have been made by a giant, judging from the distance between strides. There was also a set of tracks made by shuffling feet, with a groove down the middle which was probably formed by a heavy tail: some sort of a Lyzzard, perhaps? Scattered here and there were w-shaped impressions made by some bizarre three-toed creature, and I could also make out a trail left by two {not four!} cloven hooves. Along with these were several other distinguishable sets of prints, but I had seen enough already to get a very good idea of the magnitude of the task I had undertaken. Who was I to seek out these awesome beings? And upon what premise did I base my supposition that they would not ignore, or even destroy, me if I found them? I forced down the doubts which were beginning to form in my mind and strapped the roll of supplies to my back. I had received a Vision, hadn't I? *** The hours crept slowly by as I followed the path left by The Pack. Occasionally I passed a stretch of lush vegetation: apparently those whom I followed stopped also from time to time, and the positive effect of their prolonged presence was clear. What manner of creatures were they, who seemed capable of such extremes of good and evil? Were they aware that they were punishing their beloved land and us mortals when they withdrew their influence to prove their point? Did they care? As I pondered these questions, I noticed in my peripheral vision that there were other people there in the wastelands with me. I stopped walking for a moment in order to study them. Truthfully, I don't know what drew my attention to them: they were mere mortals like me, and they were so quiet, average, and unremarkable that they were quite easy to overlook. "Hello!" I called to the nearest group. "Whassup? *hic*," slurred one of them, a young girl with a can in her hand. "Wanna join us? We're *hic* hot-chatting! Hee-hee..." "No, I'm on a serious mission. It is absolutely imperative that you spread the word to everyone: tell stories; give your opinions to all who care, and to some who don't; we must break the silence!" The girl tilted back her head to drain the contents of her can, tossed the can over her shoulder, and belched contentedly. "Heh...that's easy for YOU to say, bub. But we're BUSY here." "Can't you see what's going on around you? How the land is perishing before your very eyes?" The girl shrugged. "So? Why *burp* should any of US care? We're just along for the ride." Then she staggered off to rejoin her colleagues. {Continued....} (R)eply, (E)mail reply, (T)hread, (P)revious or (N)ext message? Date: Saturday, December 24, 1994 4:01pm Forum: Classic From: McDoc Msg#: 231833 To: ** ALL ** *EXEMPT* Re: Day 3, Part II (Copy by Autox) (1 reply) I was shaking my head in disbelief when a young man in Shakespearean clothing ran up to me. "You're looking for The Pack, aren't you?" "Yes. What do you know about them?" The teen shuddered visibly. "They'll tear you up, man. They keep the land thriving, and they'll let you stay in it peacefully...unless you get their attention. THEN you're in trouble...." He glanced nervously over his shoulder. "In fact, they passed through here this morning before dawn. Everyone hid until they had gone by." "I see," I said, struggling with the knot of apprehension that had suddenly appeared in my stomach. "Listen, you need to spread the word--" "Yeah, I heard you tell HER." He gestured with his thumb toward the gaggle of teens. "Don't you realize that there are only a very few people in all the Land who will do as you say? Everyone else is too intimidated by The Pack, too shy, just don't care, or some combination of those three." He glanced over his shoulder again and said, "I'd better split before someone sees me here. I've been banished, you see...." And he trudged off in the direction from which I had come, leaving his explanation unfinished. I watched until he disappeared in the distance, then I turned and continued along my earlier course. *** I had travelled for another hour or so when I saw something in the middle of the tracks ahead. As I approached, it became clear that it was a freshly-formed crater. In the center of the crater was what used to be a huntress, judging by what remained of the clothing. Near the edge of the depression was a broken longbow lying atop a quiver of silver arrows. The quiver was nearly full: whoever this poor creature had been, she had only been able to get away a shot or two at best before being introduced to oblivion. As I turned away from the grisly scene, several thoughts entered my mind simultaneously. Whose remains were these, and what had she done to deserve such a crushing assault? I was pretty certain that The Pack had done it, but why? They had not demolished anyone else on their journey thus far, and it was unlikely that any of those mortals could have truly been able to hide successfully from The Pack, despite the assertions of the teen to whom I had spoken. It seemed, then, that there was some reason that this individual had warranted attack. Did this same fate await me? Was this huntress obliterated for sheer fun? Or, on a more foreboding note, was she left here as a message to ME? I gulped. Did The Pack know that I was following them? After considering these possibilities, I stopped walking, shrugged out of my pack, and shouted at the sky. "And what if *I* don't care, either? What if I just stay here and see what happens?" Immediately a strong wind began to blow, and dark gray clouds flew in from the distance. As I watched, the clouds swirled into a single mass, and then re-separated to form the words "NO CARRIER". Then the wind gusted again and the clouds were swept across the horizon, leaving me on the desolate plain alone. With a sigh of resignation, I picked up my bundle and resumed my trek across the wasteland.... Tomorrow: Day 4 (R)eply, (E)mail reply, (T)hread, (P)revious or (N)ext message? Date: Sunday, December 25, 1994 4:18pm Forum: Classic From: McDoc Msg#: 231834 To: ** ALL ** *EXEMPT* Re: Day 4 (Copy by Autox) (1 reply) AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry this one is so short, folks, but it IS Christmas, after all.... ---McD When the sky began to darken, I decided that I should look for a good place to make camp for the night. Almost immediately I encountered the perfect spot: an oasis in the midst of the desolation, probably a place where The Pack had stopped before me. It was a roughly circular area, a few hundred yards across. Thick green grass was a plush carpet below, and a few tall, leafy trees gave comforting shelter above. As I entered the area I could see evidence that someone, most likely The Pack, had indeed stayed there recently. There was a charred circle in the center of the oasis where a campfire had been extinguished. It was clear that those who had made the fire had used it to dispose of their waste, because I saw a small, partially-burned piece of paper at the edge of the blackened region. Out of curiosity, I picked up the paper and noticed that there was writing on it. "Skor"? I shrugged, dropped the paper back into the ashes, and removed the bundle from my back. On the far side of the revitalized area was a small cluster of trees which looked like an excellent place to sleep. When I arrived at the copse, I noticed a Viking helmet, sword, and shield propped against one of the trees. Once again I had encountered something completely beyond my understanding, but I was used to it by now, so I merely plunked my supplies down on the grass and ignored those objects. My stomach roared for attention as I opened the large knapsack containing my "bulky" supplies to retrieve my pillow, and I realized for the first time that I had not eaten for over a day. Furthermore, the rolled-up tent lying next to the knapsack reminded me of the Little Debbie's Swiss Cake Rolls in my ration kit. Almost drowning in my own saliva, I hurriedly unrolled the tent. The Swiss Cake Rolls weren't there! I felt tears rush to my eyes as the horrifying reality sank in: I must have left them at my old campsite. Stricken by this, the most terrible thing to happen to me since I began my journey, I numbly chewed some dried fruit in silence. After my solemn meal was over, I tossed my pillow to the grass and lay down to sleep; it wasn't really worth going through the trouble to pitch the tent just for one night. *** I had been asleep but for a short time when I had another Vision. This time, a most remarkable creature appeared before me. He was a satyr--half man, half goat. There were small horns sprouting upward from his human forehead. He carried a large pitchfork, and a sparkling golden halo hovered above him. The entire apparition was bathed in a blue haze. My stunned subconscious mind summed up the picture for me: a daemon! The daemon cleared his throat and spoke. His voice was both soft and harsh, a gentle melody accompanied by an ominous, gravelly undertone. "Mortal fool, dost thou really think that thou canst comprehend the Divine? Why dost thou feel that thou must continue on thy quest? Beware that which is beyond thy ken, and take care that thou find not what thou seekest. Muwahahahahahaaaaahhhhh!" His cryptic message delivered, the daemon disappeared in an explosion of blue vapor. I realized with a start that my eyes were not closed, and I also recalled the cloven-hoofprints in the group of tracks I followed. Was that REALLY a member of The Pack? If so, why had he appeared to me in such a fashion? The answer hit me like a leaden weight: they were toying with me! I was nothing more than a trifle to these people, an insignificant plaything. They were AMUSED by my "mission". I found this simultaneously disconcerting, humiliating, and infuriating. Hmph, I thought as I jammed my pillow back into the knapsack. Let them HAVE their entertainment, then. In one small day I had seen stars moving in the sky, found my world turned into a wasteland, been spoken to by celestial objects, encountered mysterious teenagers, found a gruesome attack scene, and been mocked by a daemon. But, worst of all, I had been deprived of my Swiss Cake Rolls. My eyes narrowed with a new sense of purpose. Re-shouldering my burden, I went back to following the trail. Tomorrow: Day 5 (R)eply, (E)mail reply, (T)hread, (P)revious or (N)ext message? Date: Monday, December 26, 1994 12:29pm Forum: Classic From: McDoc Msg#: 231836 To: ** ALL ** *EXEMPT* Re: Day 5 (Copy by Autox) It had been daylight for at least an hour when I passed a peculiar x-shaped rock formation. It stood about ten feet high and cast a long double-diagonalled shadow across the sand. It was certainly interesting, but I had no time for sightseeing, so I paused only briefly to admire it. As I was about to resume my journey, I noticed someone approaching from a direction perpendicular to the tracks. As the figure drew closer, I recognized, with some surprise, that it was a sphinx. This beautifully exotic creature had the body of a large, white cat, but the head of a human woman. Judging by her direction of travel, I decided that she had nothing to do with The Pack, and I currently had no desire to encounter yet another mythical being, so I turned and began following the tracks again. I had advanced but a few steps when I heard a masculine, inebriated-sounding voice behind me. "Say, baby, what's a pretty young thing like you doing in a wasteland like this?" I spun around belligerently and saw a large, abdominally ample man in green fatigues leaning against the side of the x-shaped rock. Comprehension seemed to dawn slowly in his eyes, and he said, "Oops, sorry, man. Saw the wind blowing your hair and thought...well...heh, heh...." Then he sank sheepishly back down beside the stone. Without even a snort as a reply, I continued on my quest. After a few more steps, however, I again heard, "Say, baby, what's a pretty young thing like you doing in a wasteland like this?" That did it. I whirled around to answer, but as I did I saw that the sphinx had reached the rock formation. The man had spoken to HER. The sphinx hissed like a wagon-crushed adder, puffed her tail to five times its normal diameter, and exposed her eighteen-inch front claws. "Heh, heh...sorry, babe," the man murmurmed as he fainted. The sphinx returned to her normal operating mode and walked away on her previous course, flipping her tail disgustedly with each step. With a chuckle, I turned and once again followed the trail of The Pack. *** I walked on uneventfully until that afternoon, when yet another apparition appeared before me. This time I was confronted by a large rhinoceros who walked on his hind legs like a human. The rhino approached me, reciting bad poetry as he ambled along, but then, just as we were about to meet, he vanished. I scratched my head, suddenly feeling terribly confused, and continued my trek. Apparently, lack of sugar was beginning to make me hallucinate. {Continued....} (R)eply, (E)mail reply, (T)hread, (P)revious or (N)ext message? Date: Monday, December 26, 1994 12:47pm Forum: Classic From: McDoc Msg#: 231837 To: ** ALL ** *EXEMPT* Re: Day 5, Part II (Copy by Autox) It was almost sunset when I beheld two figures coming toward me from the direction in which The Pack travelled. One of the people was surrounded by an unusual orange glow. I slowed my pace, proceeding with caution toward the encounter. When we were only a few yards apart, we all three halted. The pair consisted of a man in a sparkling suit of armor astride a large white charger, and a girl whose exact features were difficult to distinguish because of the fiery aura which encompassed her. We regarded each other for a few moments, then I said, "I am McDoc, of Avalon. Who are you?" The warrior on the stallion spoke through the facemask of his helm. "We are Initiates of The Pack. Once we were mortals, like you, but now, as you can see, we already possess some supernatural characteristics just from our short period of service." He nodded toward the flaming girl. "We act as rereward for The Pack," the girl said. "Why do you follow us? Do you hope to try to join The Pack?" "Yes," I lied, believing I wouldn't fare too well in a confrontation with these two. "What could YOU possibly add to The Pack?" the knight demanded. My mind whirling swiftly, I remembered The Pack's campsite. "Skor," I replied. The pair glanced at each other. "And how much Skor could you provide?" the girl asked me. "As much as The Pack can handle," I bluffed, fervently hoping that neither of these Initiates could read the thoughts in my mind. "Let us see proof of your claim," the knight said suspiciously. Uh-oh. The time for timidity was definitely over. "Do you expect me to reveal such a thing to a mere wanna-be? I will present my evidence only to The Pack." And I crossed my arms like I meant it. Though I couldn't see his face clearly because of his helm, the knight was obviously taken aback, and he and the girl withdrew a few paces to confer. After a few moments, the pair re-approached me, and the knight said, "Very well, you may pass. But be warned: we shall be close behind you; there shall be no escape for you if you attempt any treachery." He grasped the hilt of his sheathed longsword meaningfully. "Oh, and good luck at the trollbridge. Muwahahahahahaaahhh!" I nodded to the pair as I walked past them. Now what? I thought. What did I hope to accomplish when I actually met The Pack? I had placed myself squarely between Scylla and Charybdis. And what was "the trollbridge"? I knew I would have these answers soon enough. Tomorrow: Day 6 (R)eply, (E)mail reply, (T)hread, (P)revious or (N)ext message? Date: Tuesday, December 27, 1994 5:48pm Forum: Classic From: McDoc Msg#: 231838 To: ** ALL ** *EXEMPT* Re: Day 6 (Copy by Autox) I had not travelled far before the landscape changed. No longer was I surrounded by desolation; at first, solitary clumps of grass had appeared here and there, and soon after, trees, shrubs, and other plants had begun to show in abundance. It now seemed that I was in a dense forest or jungle, with a narrow path snaking through the undergrowth. I could hear the scrapings and chatterings of various animals beginning their search for dinner. Fortunately, I had heard nothing thus far that sounded as though it was large enough to make ME its choice. The rumble of distant thunder had begun a few minutes ago, and brief jags of lightning skittered across the darkening sky. Ahead of me, a dense fog emanated from the ground, suggesting the presence of a body of water. Squinting and peering into the mist, I could make out an old rope suspension bridge dimly illuminated by two tall torches stuck into the ground. This must be the trollbridge. I wiped my arm across my brow and continued toward the bridge. So far, so good: I had encountered a bridge, but no troll. I had gotten within ten paces of the ancient planking when the wizened old creature appeared out of the mist. He could loosely be called a man: he stood only about four and a half feet tall; his matted gray hair reached nearly to the ground; a long, carrot-like nose with a huge hairy wart on the tip protruded from his grotesque visage; and he clutched a walking stick, nearly as gnarled as he himself, in his claw-tipped fingers. Actually, he looked more like a gnome than a troll to me, but I wasn't about to tell HIM that! The relic shuffled up to me, tilted his head to one side, and studied me from behind the gray curtain of his bangs. Then, he spoke, in a voice like a rusty hinge: "All who hope to get past me Must answer me these riddles three Ere the other side ye see." Now, wait a minute...this was hauntingly familiar somehow. "And if I try to pass you without answering these riddles?" The troll shrugged, pulled an apple from somewhere within his tattered cloak, and held it out between thumb and forefinger. Immediately the apple was whisked from his hand and sailed through the air to disappear into the chasm over which the bridge was suspended. The troll had not thrown it; it was as though some unseen hand had flung it there. "If good answers you don't tell, the apple's fate is yours as well." "Very well, troll; let's hear it, then." Sheesh, I had to be out of my mind! "What...is your name?" the troll croaked. Easy enough. "I am McDoc, of Avalon." The troll paused, then leaned closer to me and whispered, "What...is your quest?" "I seek The Pack." Two out of three. The troll nodded his approval, then smiled wickedly, his one remaining tooth hanging down like a mildewed stalactite. "What...is your favorite color?" I turned so that the troll could see the fruit-striped roll of canvas strapped to my back. "Look at my tent, little man. What do you THINK is my favorite color?" The old gnome stroked his chin thoughtfully and said, "Gee, I don't know. Orange?" A look of extreme surprise crossed his mummified features as he was plucked from the ground and flung over the side of the chasm. "Oh, no! Not agaiiiiinnnnnn...." I shrugged my shoulders and crossed the rickety bridge, glancing once over the side. But the troll had vanished into the fog below. {Continued....} (R)eply, (E)mail reply, (T)hread, (P)revious or (N)ext message? Date: Tuesday, December 27, 1994 6:12pm Forum: Classic From: McDoc Msg#: 231839 To: ** ALL ** *EXEMPT* Re: Day 6, Part II (Copy by Autox) (2 replies) The moment my foot touched the soil on the other side of the bridge, a bolt of lightning blasted a tree directly in front of me. Blinded by the flash, I staggered away from the bridge, rubbing my eyes. Disorientation washed over me, and I dropped to my knees to wait for my vision to clear and the dizziness to pass. My head gradually stopped spinning, and I opened my eyes to find that I could see again. There was no sign of the forest or the bridge; instead, I was once more on a desolate expanse of sand. Nearby were two trees which I thought I recognized. I rose gingerly to my feet and stumbled over to them. Sure enough, at the base of the tree on the right was a partially-buried white box. I fell to my knees again and saw the smiling face of Little Debbie beaming at me from the exposed corner. I groaned. Somehow, I had come full circle: I was back at my old campsite. I should have known better than to get involved in things so far above my head. Well, at least I had my Swiss Cake Rolls back. I brushed the sand away from the box and greedily tore it open. This done, I removed the plastic wrap from a pair of the cream-laden cakes and stuffed them whole into my mouth. I sighed contentedly and leaned back against the tree. "McDoc...." Startled, I looked up at the sky and saw that the Face had materialized once more among the stars. "Mmphh?" I asked through my sugary mouthful. "All is well, McDoc. The Pack have returned to the Land. We weren't going to tell you this, but We Above knew all along that The Pack planned to return on this night. They told Us so." "Mmphamphl-mmpphh?..." "Very well, if you must know: we sent you on your mission for Our amusement. And you have done an excellent job of entertaining Us, by the way." "Mmphiphiphl unphmlphmph!" I swallowed hard and finally disposed of the obstruction. "So the land is out of danger, and I am once more a mere speck on its surface?" "Correct." I felt like a deflated balloon. Fatigue slammed down on me almost tangibly. "So tired..." "Rest now, McDoc. Your mission is over." With a final nod from the Face, the stars disbanded and returned to their proper places. Now that things were back to normal, I decided not to argue with the stars this time. I barely had time to retrieve my pillow before I lost consciousness. *** I awoke with a start to find myself clutching my pillow by two of its corners. By the shape of it, I had been wringing it like a wet towel. What an unusual dream. I sat up and looked around. I was lying on a thick carpet of grass beneath a leafy oak tree. The sound of chirping crickets filled the air, and an owl called out somewhere in the distance. My tent was tied up in a roll on the ground nearby. Just a dream, indeed: why wasn't my tent pitched? With a respectful salute toward the sky, I stretched out on the grass and went back to sleep. THE END ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS I would like to thank everyone who allowed me to use his or her likeness in this story: you all know who you are. I hope that the fact that I received no complaints means that everyone enjoyed reading it, and not that I had no audience. A big thank you also goes to the Monty Python comedy troupe for letting me "borrow" their infamous "trollbridge scene". It has been my pleasure bringing you this production! ---McD